2008 Show Titled:

‘C’est Caliente! Mas Cervezas Frio, Por Favor!’

MASS BRASS WINS

Harrisburg (AP) - They did it! It was obvious from the get go our boys and gal of summer arrived to take control. Not to take anything away from the competition, by any means. All 5 competitors brought their A game, and this made the eventual win even sweeter. It has been said that to be the best you first have to beat the best, and that is what has appeared to happen. The show was highlighted by an absolutely phenomenal performance by newcomer, percussionist Mike (Sticks) Aiello. At the evening party he wowed the crowd with an extended drum solo that was fantastic.

You can see some clips here:

Malaga

Malaguena/El Gato Triste

Legend of A One Eyed Sailor

Mike....Sticks it to the crowd!

A Legend comes to A Legend!

Legendary arranger Larry Kerchner has arrived to work with the Legendary Mass Brass!
South Boston, Ma. (BP) Last we saw our boys er and girl of summer, they were taking a different tact, still staying in the jazz idiom, but more a straight forward big band type. Now comes news that a true legend from the drum corps world has stepped forward to take the corps to the "next" level. After getting their butts handed to them in Rochester last year, the brain trust met and made the decision to come out of last year stronger. One Larry Kerchner has come to the fold. Larry will be doing the arrangements for the corps. With several phone calls, and some negotiations the "Monster of Music" was thrilled to come back to Boston, where much of his knowledge was kindled at the music factory known as "Berklee College of Music". Larry has written for more corps than can be mentioned here. Most notably The Bridgemen, and The Cabs. The corps will return to an "in your face" drum corps style that made them famous. Mr. Moran said in a phone interview, "personnel has not changed, desire has not changed, only thing missing was a cohesive show design that Mr. Kerchner will bring to the corps". If this is true, look out MCA! Mr. Moran also hinted at another "blockbuster" announcement yet to come concerning a visual package. Stay tuned, this is one corps that has decided to not roll over, but to stand up and be counted!

SNIPER KITTY HAS RETURNED!

Washington DC (AP) --FBI, and CIA officials have been called in on a recent sighting of Sniper Kitty. Yep the old man is back, and with all the trouble "Son of Sniper" caused last year in Rochester, City of Harrisburg officials are a bit concerned about security for the upcoming "MCA Contest" hosted by Five Star Brass. Sniper Kitty has been laying low a half-a-world away since his incarceration from his previous malay. He has been seen in Boston, and New York as recently as April 1, 2008. There is rumor he has been seen with a new accomplish who goes by the name "Captain Buzz". It is said that Captain Buzz has laid claim to being the founding member, and current president of the Mass Brass fan club, and frequents rehearsals, which leads one to believe that Captain Buzz is an insider, since Mass Brass does not advertise where or when their practices take place. Some believe they have gone underground in recent months because of all the hoopla surrounding the raids by ICE officials. With the new show package of latin music, there was evidently concern that ICE would come looking for them. Next week will tell the tail, but thunder clouds seem to be gathering.

Here we find Sniper Kitty, and his new "Kingpin". Unfortunately we could only find a sketch of Captain Buzz!

Here we find MB1 in the North End of Boston. Just out of camera shot was the color guard. MB2 was at an undisclosed location. Confused? So am I!

What a Sound!

Mayor Annoyed: Scranton's Quiet Already Being
Shattered by the Impending Return of the Mass Brass

"Yes, my God, they're coming back, ha, as if anyone could stop them" a demoralized, fatalistic Mayor Chris Doherty, a part-time psychic, told the Associated Press, "I've had it with these guys. Crime virtually disappeared when they were in town, true, but the civic environment just went out the window. There is just no place in Scranton for public exhibitions of mass ecstasy and unbridled paranormal activity."

Mayor Doberty said the rioting women and apoplectic house pets were particularly disturbing to peace- loving Scrantomaniacs. The surging, gasping crowds of female fans virtually halted traffic on seven separate occasions during which the Mass Brass made appearances in town before, during and after their competitive showing at the University of Scranton.

"It's all quite bizarre. The lady fans came from as far away as Western Alberta to see these guys - like they're somehow remarkable. When they played Malaguena, crowds of hundreds of them would rip into sort of ecstatic flamenco routines, spontaneously. Whenever they played, UFOs appeared and the jets scrambling from berdeen would end up in dog fights with them over the Poconos. All that supersonic air traffic just drove the dogs and cats nuts," Mayor Doherty said.

Mayor Doherty claimed at the press conference that the Mass Brass had grown more powerful and more disruptive during the winter's competitive hiatus, attracting a cadre of super-intelligent, telepathic, telekinetic, psychic animals from the Bronx Zoo on their way back to Boston after the 2002 DCA, including the legendary labor activist, Arktomykys, a polar bear which organized elf and reindeer strikes in the North Pole that nearly caused Santa Claus to abandon Christmas last year - saved only by the heroic intervention of the Mass Brass who delivered presents for Santa with their dirigible, the Flying Ricardo.

Mass Brass' Flying Polar Bear Spooking the Bejesus
Out of Pennsylvania National Guard and US Air Force



Pennsylvania Air National Guard State Adjutant General Ren Polaski said at a press conference in early July that the character of the UFOs had changed since last year, including sightings of more conventional aircraft that appear to be the Mass Brass's own air force. "Our own Air National Guard and the US Air Force pilots have both reported seeing a polar bear flying a 1943 Messerschmitt 262, an antique turbojet, in an open cockpit. The polar bear appears to be friendly but our pilots have been instructed drive the bear and his plane away from Scranton if he approaches within 5 miles of the city."

Associated Press reporters in Scranton were rebuffed in attempts to contact Mass Brass spokesmen and spokesanimals. However, a three-month investigation has yielded the following information from public records, interviews with Congressional investigators, NASA officials as well as recovering members of the Mass Brass and exorcists that have worked with families of former and current Mass Brass members:

• The Mass Brass can and do regularly catapult themselves backwards and forwards in time and space using nothing but their music and malt beverages
• The corps has almost no ability to control where they end up in time or space, except for a rudimentary homing capability to "reset" themselves back to the current and closest Monday morning so they can get to work on time
• The corps members' apparent "immortality" is a cheap trick based on their ability to appear to have been "living" during different eras of history. Old photographs and ancient hieroglyphics that record the Mass Brass's appearances all make references to beer, indicating the corps was, indeed, just stopping by for a beer or two
• Mass Brass's sloppy inter-dimensional conveyance creates massive disturbances in the space-time continuum, disorienting psychics, time travelers and galaxy-hopping extra-terrestrials, often resulting in crashes and irresolvable historical paradoxes
• They've attracted the ire of enraged extra-terrestrials, psychics and time travelers who see them as rivals - and as loose cannons that threaten their safety - and who have banded together to stop the unruly peripatetic drum corps
• Though of apparent humble means, the Mass Brass acquired Easter Island from Chile in late 2002 and are using it as a staging area for beer busts and repairs of their dirigible
• The Mass Brass baritones can and do communicate with whales through their horns and regularly communicate with super-intelligent who that are allegedly "starring" in the corps' alleged production of Aida

Scranton Minister of Public Safety Jan Helca Baruk said he had deputized a brigade of Civic Psychics to calm the fans, repel UFOs and squelch the drum corps' awesome psychic capacities. "They've been training for months for this event. The incredible psychic powers of the Mass Brass is legendary and unbound by the constraints of time and space. Pray for us."



Mass Brass Evades Scrutiny, Per Usual

Calls to Mass Brass's offices in South Boston and Easter Island by the Associated Press went unreturned.

Fresh off the 2007 DCA show, here is a video to whet your appetite.

 

Breaking news...

Photo taken by a staff reporter as Mass Brass officials were trying to talk some sense into this feline of doom!

Rochester (AP - Staff) You knew him as sniper kitty, only now he is all grown up, and after several years in exile, his offspring is now roaming the earth as papa cat lives the life of luxury in Africa. This Son of Sniper was monitoring Drum Corps Planet on his laptop, when the scores came in from the recent DCA mini corps show, and he went berserk. When contacted, management from Mass Brass could only say "Son of Sniper Kitty is uncontrollable, and that he snarled something about finding those SOB's that dumped his daddy's drum corps." He has gotten a hold of some Russian made AK-47's, and a cashe of ammo, and made his way to Rochester to, as he put it "find those "dogs" that found the Mass Brass to be mediocre". Mass Brass further commented "He seems to have his mind made up, FAI (Federal Animal Investigation) has been called and are hot on his tail, but after being born in the jungle, he will be hard to track." Check back for further updates...